Parents worry about nearly every single choice they make for their kids. What should I feed my child? Should they be involved in extra curricular activities? If so, how many? Where should they go to school? Do I have a fire ladder from the upstairs bedrooms? Have I adequately trained my kids how to use it?
These are about a 1000th of the thoughts that run through my mind every single night! And as my kids get bigger, so do the worries! They neglected to mention that at my Lamaze classes. Nowadays I worry about my kids' friendships and the fact that every boy in the 5th grade world, seemingly, thinks they are in love with my daughter. Should I get my concealed weapons license? Or maybe I should get a building permit and build a tower onto my home. Rapunzel's parents may have had the right idea! I also worry about the future and what that will look like for Joshua. What if he is never able to live independently? I'd be stoked to have him live at home for ever, but who would care for him when I kick the bucket? The list of concerns is pages and pages long. I'm certain that every single parent can relate in some capacity.
But tonight I want to tell you about a super hard decision that had to be made a few months ago, and how it has worked out so far. Over this past summer, Joshua was struggling more and more everyday with severe anxieties. I don't mean he was just a little nervous about things. It was to the point that even speaking to someone was making him vomit. He was in tears daily and was getting too anxious to even talk to me! It was heartbreaking. After weeks and weeks of vomiting, crying, toileting issues and meltdowns, I turned to the amazing support system of my Fragile X community. SO many FX parents shared that their FXer struggled in similar ways.
Now here is where the difficult decision had to be made. It was suggested that I have Joshua examined to discover if the use of an anti anxiety medication would be appropriate for him. Again, they don't tell you that you would have to make these kinds of decisions in What to Expect When You're Expecting! I agonized over the sheer thought of putting my 8 year old on these meds. Was it responsible to put these pills into my child's body? Would the side effects be severe? Would meds make my child a zombie? But on the other hand, would it be unkind not to try medication if it could significantly improve my child's life? I tell you, the number of tears cried over this choice could have filled a bathtub.
After days of researching, crying, praying, and consulting with my amazing support system of family and friends, I decided to give the medication a try. Ultimately it came down to giving Joshua the very best chance at happiness. I figured that if it didn't go well, we could take him off of the med. So, in August Joshua started on the medicine.
Fast forward to today. My little man is not only talking more, but he is laughing! He is making friends at his new school. Not to say there haven't been any side effects, but for the most part the difference is night and day. But my personal favorite thing that Joshy now does is SING. He sings from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. Just yesterday he was singing, "We wear short shorts, flying purple people eater."
This was the musical magic created by my Fragile X Man just this morning. When I asked why he was singing he told me, "My happy heart just wantin' to sing!" I will take it!
I'm not saying that medication is a good choice for every child. Not at all! But I really wanted to share this because sometimes the really tough choices actually do turn out for the best. So, take hope all you parents that have a million worries spinning through your heads. You are great parents who love your kids. We will win some and lose some, but the bottom line is that there is no bad choice if it is made with love, care, and the best intention for your child. Keep it up all you super parents! You are incredible.
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