The words "I love you" are, in my opinion, the most powerful words that have ever been spoken. The first time someone utters those words to another person, the relationship is forever changed. It's true that often "I love you" just doesn't seem big enough or strong enough to express the depth of our emotion!
While hearing that you are loved from a family member, friend or romantic partner is incredible and soul changing, there is just NOTHING like hearing those words from your child.
I remember so vividly the first time I ever heard "I wuv ya" from my daughter. She was just over a year old, and when she spoke those words, I remember thinking that I would never again feel the intensity of joy that burst from my soul. It's enough to make a grown woman cry! And certainly, that moment in time with my sweet daughter, Faith is deeply embedded in my spirit! The wonderful and amazing thing is that while the first "I love you" was heartbreakingly beautiful, the subsequent "I love you's" have no less impact. Each and every time she tells me she loves me, my heart feels like it is literally melting in my chest. I have an inkling that this feeling will not change no matter how old we both get.
Of course, hearing those words from my Fragile X Man was something I never expected I'd ever experience. Joshua is immensely kind and loving, but is not able to verbally express his emotions well at all. He showed me in a thousand ways that he loved me. He hugs and cuddles and kisses and holds my hand. He takes care of me when he knows I need love. Even if I never actually heard the words, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only do I love him with all my heart, but that those feelings go both ways. For many of us parents with special needs children, those little looks, smiles and cuddles are what we hold on to when life gets hard!
I am blessed in so many ways, and when Joshua was 7, I would say "Joshy, I love you bunches and scrunches!" and he began to say "love you, too". I cannot begin to tell you how emotional this was for me. Going from being told that your child may likely NEVER speak, to hearing "love you, too" was nothing short of miraculous! But things became even more miraculous a very short time ago. Right after Joshua turned 8, he came to me one day and said, "I WUV you, Mama!" I was shocked and humbled and broke into tears. For the first time in his life, my son had told me he LOVED me without being asked to do so, without being told I loved him first. He said he loved me because he wanted to. He said it because he felt it and wanted me to know his heart. There has never been a more magical experience in all of my life than in that moment.
I was reminded of this memory just this morning as I was getting the kiddos ready to meet the bus. Joshua put on his jacket and his backpack, gave me a "big squeeze" (hug) and walked towards the door. Without any seeming reason, he turned back around and RAN (as best he could) towards me, threw his sweet little arms around my neck and said, "I'm loving you, Mama" then he kissed my cheek and ran to the bus.
Of course I cried the happiest tears. In moments like these, I am reminded that being a parent is so much more than homework help and karate practice and laundry and baths. And parenting a child with special needs is more than doctors appointments and testing and therapy and IEP's. Being a parent to ANY child is truly about the deep and intense connection between a mommy or daddy and their child. So, whether love is expressed verbally, or through a special smile, or a bedtime story, it is the lifeblood of a bond that cannot be explained, completely understood or ever severed.
So today, take a minute to really LOVE each other. Deepen that connection in whatever way you can, because this bond is worth every effort. It runs through our veins and gives us reason to live!
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