Choosing Your Battles May Result in a Leprechaun!

This year continues to be a year of huge changes for both of my kiddos. And, as with most change, it is necessary and positive but HARD! (For the Mama, anyway.)

It seems like both of my kids have grown up a lot this year. In June, Faith had her 10th Birthday and with that came the freedom for her to get her ears pierced. She had been asking to get them pierced since she was in first grade, but I told her that once she was 10 she would be older and responsible enough to take care of pierced ears. I also wanted her to learn the value of waiting for something that she really wanted. I feel that sometimes waiting for things can make getting those things all the more exciting and important. This certainly proved to be true in this situation. Faith has been meticulous about cleaning her ears. She has also found such joy and sense of independence in getting to pick out her earrings every day. She has told me multiple times how grateful she is that she now is old enough to have them pierced. While this may seem like a non-event to many people, to us it was a big deal. Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE watching her get ready for school everyday. She is beginning to care a lot about looking her best, having fun hairstyles and especially wearing small jewelry. It's wonderful to watch her becoming a little lady. However, it also hurts my heart a little. With every step towards independence she takes, it is a step a little further away from needing her Mama quite so much. I fully understand and accept that this is a natural progression. If she wasn't desiring to be her own person, it wouldn't be healthy for her. But it does make me miss the days when she was tiny and I was fully responsible for her care.

Not only is Faith becoming more independent, but Joshua is also desiring to be his own little man. Again, I completely understand that this is normal...healthy even! It is incredibly important for Joshua, especially, to develop a sense of independence. The hardest part of this desire in him is that he doesn't yet have the intellectual capacity to make some of the independent choices that he wishes to make. This week, for example, Joshua was adamant that he wanted to cook all of his meals by himself. I think that this desire to cook started at school. Last week, his SLIC class did a cooking project. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that he is learning actual life skills in school. Because we are unsure how far he will be able to progress academically, it is imperative that he learn basic life skills so that he may, one day, be able to live on his own in some capacity. Anyway, last week his class learned to make pancakes, sausage and cantaloupe. It was a huge success! The class even got to serve their breakfast creation to the principal.

Fast forward a couple of days, and we were smack dab in the middle of daily struggles over who would be making meals. It even got to the point that Joshua woke up one morning around 4 am in order to make breakfast for Faith. Thank goodness I am a light sleeper! I awoke to some banging around in the kitchen and by the time I got up to check on what was happening, Joshua had pancake mix, syrup, frozen berries, cereal, and hot dogs laid out on the counter top. He was ready to COOK! My obvious concern is safety. I worry that he will burn himself, cut himself, poison someone, or burn the house down. But, how do I encourage true independence, which he needs, while keeping him safe? It is very much like I am raising a 3 year old right now. He knows what he wants and does not want help getting it! Needless to say, it's been a bit of a struggle.

We did come to an agreement that he would be allowed to help me cook every meal, so long as he did not try to cook alone. So far, this has been an acceptable compromise for both of us. But all of this push towards independence is a tricky balancing act! I suppose this is where the "learn to pick your battles" advice I was given by my own Mom comes into play. I can learn to be excited for Faith as she makes age appropriate choices of her own (even though it makes me sad sometimes). And I can learn to be supportive of Joshua's new found desire to be "a growned up man" as he would call it, so long as he is safe.

So, today I decided to choose my battles! While Joshua did NOT cook his meals without help, he did pick out his own clothes. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. It's Saturday and it's rainy. This would be the perfect day to let him make some independent clothing choices that would only be worn around the house! However, one of his grandma's asked if she could take him out with her to play bingo. Of course I was happy to let him go out and play with her. I told him, "Joshy, Grandma Boomy wants to take you to play BINGO. Do you want to go with her?" Of course he jumped (literally) at the chance to get out and play! So I instructed him to put away his toys and get changed into an outfit to wear to BINGO.

In the not so distant past, he would pick out an outfit that I had already put together. (I fold his clothes and put them away in outfits, as to make the clothing decision making process easier). But NOT today, my friends! Oh no! He came out of his room wearing his Hulk shirt, a leprechaun costume vest, hat and beard, grey basketball short, his sister's pink socks and swim sandals!  "Joshy, whatcha wearing?" I asked him. "I just looking handsome, Mama" He replied. Hmmm...this choosing your battles thing is hard! The normally mommy part of me didn't want for him to leave the house looking like he had just escaped from the circus, however, I had to realize that it was just more important that he feel free to make his own choices, even if I didn't agree with them, than it was for him to look adorable. I have a feeling that as both of my kids grow, I will have many more experiences in which I must allow them the freedom to do things with which I do not necessarily agree! Have I mentioned that this being a mom thing is HARD?

So, for today the score was: Independence 2- Mama 0! And honestly, that is a win for all of us!